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| In regards to my previous post, methinks y'all're right. Got talent to change the world? Might as well do it!
So it turns out... for me, anyway, that I've been ridonculously sheltered my entire life, living in carefree nonchalance as I waltz down city streets in blissful ignorance. Perhaps my comfortable upbringing shielded my eyes from realizing my full potential; maybe my complacency--something I can't shake--provided an impervious barrier to entering this wildly and unfathomably large world. But that's old news.
Remember when my world exploded? Well, everything appears red now (...n3rd), and I think that's an awesome thing. We've all heard of "thinking outside the box," and unfortunately, we often leave ourselves caged by our own dreams and imaginations. I only very recently realized the extent of my capabilities while pondering about "power" and "change." Entrepreneurship and implementing ideas had never appealed to me as I felt comfortable with taking the primrose path of dalliance, knowing that everything would be perfect as long as I hold no expectations.
But success, if defined as moving from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm, necessitates failure! Various hackneyed phrases like "nothing ventured, nothing gained" begin to flood your mind once you realize that you are put on this Earth to be more than a conqueror--indeed, you are to devote your life to become something great.
Something Christlike.
I've often said, "I want to save the world!", and I think the magnitude and gravity of that statement should always ring true. And I hope it rings true for you as well: find your passion, nurture it, and let it blossom to awesome. Then, if you're not failing enough, you're simply not trying hard enough.
[anecdote: Mike Woods, Hyungmin, and I would sometimes lift weights at the gym, and one of our most powerful battle cries was "TO FAILURE!" Until you honestly could not raise that weight any higher, you weren't tapping into the complete potential of your muscles and thereby diminishing your workout utility. Cliché moral: set your sights to the impossible in order to achieve the improbable. Oh yeah, and that said, PUSHUPS! =P I did 35]
Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men
Colossians 3:23
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| Sometimes I'm left to wonder whether I'm important: whether the work I do on Earth will have any "lasting significance," or whether I'll create some amazing device/protocol/application that helps save lives. But I look back on the supergeniuses and note that most "groundbreaking" inventions have been lost in obsolescence. Records and record players, phonographs, camera film... random significant inventions that have become absolutely useless to us--except, of course, the theories behind the ideas which still carry major implications. Still, the idea that what I create may not last beyond my lifetime (more and more likely as the singularity approaches) bothers me at least a little bit. Why pour my work and effort into something that may be only temporally useful?
Why not, instead, pour my time and devotion into something that lasts--eternal life? (... but this could end up being another discussion altogether =P.) But what I would encourage you to do, then, is to analyze your gifts and to figure out how you could best serve God. Figure out what He's calling you for, expand your horizons beyond what you are capable of seeing (trust me, it's way harder than it sounds. Like, think about the highest musical tone you can, then think an octave up above that.... then above that... it's kinda wiggidy-whack hard, right?). Be on the lookout for opportunities to serve, and listen for His voice.
That way, you'll live without regret. fo' sho'.
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| What dreams did come, what nightmares chilled our thought
Had left us then alone to fend and mend.
Desires flooded o'er what once we sought,
Deserted then when lacking faith--pretend.
Apologies could flow as wants once streamed;
Regrets for seeking self so surely sound.
But what could come of sadness unredeemed?
With health in heart, the Way will soon be found.
Those glory years shall mean so much for good--
Recall how precious all I grasped in view.
But passed is past, a sense where once we stood
Has left us then for better, cleansed anew.
React with head held high, deserving one.
The future you has only just begun.
Thanks for all the lessons, love, and pain. I pray that you will soon find your Way.
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| As a freshman in high school, I was on fire for God. Quite literally, almost fanatically, I would reach out to my friends in all the wrong ways... =P but that's not the point. On the contrary, I developed a fatal flaw. More on that later.
Being so zealous, I decided that I would begin to read the Bible from cover to cover, starting in Genesis. Surprisingly (or perhaps not-so-surprisingly) I have just started the New Testament today, nine years later. However, this slow and painful journey was not without cause--in fact upon further reflection, my life strangely mirrors (!) the Israelites', almost paralleling their star-crossed journey into the promised land and through their exile and return. Crazy, huh?
From the beginning, the Israelites had issues with remaining faithful to God, worshiping idols while refusing justice and mercy. And I in my sad, twisted mind had convoluted God's plan for me and I pursued my own idols: girls. Perhaps I never felt important enough at home; perhaps I just wanted something that the Lord had already provided but that I had rejected; perhaps I was just an angsty teenageer--perhaps I was blinding myself to God's plan. Thus, as the Israelites asked for a king, I in turn asked for a girlfriend. And after years of pleading, God finally answered yes.
Oh what joy I experienced, feeling loved! Indulging in lust! What pride coursed through my broken soul! Of course, those feelings soon ended and I was left alone again... only to begin searching once more like an energetic fluorine ion in a gaseous sea of hydrogen.
BOOM it happened again--the Israelites briefly mourned for King Saul, but because he was ineffective, most were glad that David came to save the day, slaying his tens of thousands. But even David had his own fatal flaw, exposed when he stayed home. Lost in a sea of concubines, David's progeny were less--or perhaps more--amicable than they should have been towards each other. Although one mistake hardly ever dooms an entire nation, these and other grievous sins eventually led Israel and Judah to collapse and exile.
While exiled to the middle-of-nowhere, Virginia, I was given a unique opportunity to reflect and think about who I was, where I had been, and most importantly, where I wanted to be. This direction gave me a purpose, a reason to strive and be alive (as you may or may not have noticed from my more recent postings). Now, I know I'll never be perfect or "ready", but the truth is, Christianity is sort of like that--always growing, always improving, always loving and serving God first and foremost; He'll take care of the details.
Well, now that Jesus is back (literally and figuratively, but also spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and socially), I just have to listen harder in order to remain in His light.
Thanks for always believing in me. For trusting me. For helping me.
For loving me.
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| I speak the truth in Christ—I am not lying, my conscience confirms it in the Holy Spirit—
Romans 9:1
What began as a simple gedanken experiment quickly expanded into a strange and awesome realization that truth means more than simply defeating falsehood: it is an active foray into the tortuous world of discernment.
This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.
From Hamlet, Polonius to his son Laertes
Since my most recent musings, I have come across the fact that I often lie--to myself, to my friends, to everyone. When posed with a question or choice, I often leave the decision to the asker in order to ensure his/her convenience. In this way, I live for someone else and go about my life knowing that your efforts have increased the general well-being of another. So noble... so selfless. So good.
But so counterfeit! In a way, it becomes so easy to "love" someone else as you become attracted to how the other person makes you feel; however, it is so much more difficult to serve a person for who they truly are... to see things as they really are. My eye for discernment is, unfortunately, legally blind. But with prayer, practice, and perseverance, I believe that I may one day redevelop a holy vision.
Give me Your eyes.
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